The Mitosis Acceleration
by bigbangsheldon
Summary: Sure, everyone needs that something that will push them in the right direction. But this. This was complete and utter madness. Sheldon duplicates. Amy experiments. Leonard and Penny wonder if they are high. Pairings: S/A, L/P and S/S/A.


_Over the years, we've formulated many theories about how Sheldon might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis . I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons. – Howard Wolowitz._

* * *

Amy Farrah Fowler didn't know how to feel. She was confused, she wanted answers and she was scared. However, she was over the moon, things couldn't get better – and her lust was going to get the better of her, it was a beautiful thing.

There was two of them.

There was two Sheldon Coopers, standing in front of her – tall, handsome with those eyes that could make her heart melt.

Did this mean she had two boyfriends now? _Take __that__, high-school bullies! _

Too much Thai-food had been the answer, she vowed to stuff her boyfriend(s?) faces with all the Thai-food in the world if that meant there would be more of them.

"Amy, what should I do now that there is two of me?" Sheldon-1 asked.

"I..don't know, have a little fun with yourself?" She suggested.

"Hmm..." He pondered. "We can play three-person chess, just you ...me and me!"

Amy examined the other Sheldon. Sheldon-2, she examined him for any differences. He appeared to look exactly the same. Amy wrote (much to Sheldon-1+2's reluctance) numbers on their arms. She knew the real Sheldon, she made sure she didn't keep his eyes off him. It was like those games, where someone hides something under a cup- mixes it around and then asks you which cup the item is under.. _You've got to keep your eyes on the prize. _

"Oh...my...God." Penny said, walking in with Leonard.

"Penny, 3 person chess really isn't that complicated." Sheldon-1 said.

"Forget that!" She exclaimed, "THERE'S TWO OF YOU SHELDON!"

"Wow," Leonard said, nervously.."I really should've stopped buying Thai-food..."

"What the hell- holy crap, just holy crap on a friggin' cracker.." Penny couldn't get her words right.

"Amy...what do you think of this?" Leonard asked.

"I don't know, there's two Sheldons...I suppose it's kinda hot." She smiled.

"No! It's not hot at all, it's _hell_!" Penny said.

"Hot as hell?" Amy suggested.

Penny just shook her head, hoping this was all some wild night-mare and she could wake up in her bed.

"Is there any difference between the two Sheldon's?" Leonard asked, shakily.

"Not that I have yet discovered, I had to write a number on each of them so I could tell them apart.." She grabbed Sheldon-1's arm. "See, right here. This is our original Sheldon." She grabbed Sheldon-2's arm, "And this is our duplicate."

"Amy, how long will it be before I can wash this off my arm? I look like a hells angel." Sheldon-1 asked.

"Never, you might even have to get it tattooed on." She explained.

"Now, now. I promised my Mother I would _never_ do such a thing." Sheldon-1 argued.

"Yeah. Well, I bet your Mother didn't know you were going to duplicate." Amy said, raising her eyebrows.

"Touché." Sheldon-1 sighed.

"I believe I have discovered a difference between Sheldon-1 and Sheldon-2." Amy smiled, proud.

"So...tell us!" Penny said, maybe it was something convenient.

"Sheldon-2 has not spoken a word, at least not since I've been here. And Sheldon-1 of course, doesn't stop talking." She explained.

"Interesting, he hasn't spoken to me either." Sheldon-1 said.

"Thank God." Penny sighed.

"I want to experiment with my Sheldons." Amy announced.

"I am not an experiment, Amy Farrah Fowler." Sheldon-1 protested.

"I disagree. I've experimented with you many times, you never seemed to protest." She said. He had no answer.

"Exactly. Now, Leonard and Penny I would like to request for some privacy with my double-boyfriends."

"Oh boy...you can have _all_ the privacy you want." Penny gestured to Leonard, "Let's get the hell outta here." Leonard followed, doing a double-take ..._yes there really was two Sheldons._

* * *

"Leonard, I'm confused." Penny said. "Is this even possible?"

"I...It has to be." Leonard explained, "We both saw it, it's there...it's happening."

"Are you sure we're not just high or something?" Penny asked, hopeful.

"I am 100% sure we're not high, Penny." He answered. "I guess we will learn to live with the two Sheldons, I guess we will have to."

"I don't think I can." Penny sighed, "Can't we put one up for adoption or something?"

"Well, we'll see what Sheldon wants to do." Leonard furrowed his brow. "It's his decision,right?"

"I have no friggin' idea," Penny said. "This other Sheldon, isn't a baby – he's a man. He has rights to himself."

"I guess you're right," Leonard sighed. "I just don't know if the streets can take another Sheldon Cooper."

"I don't know if I can," Penny said, "Do you want a drink?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Leonard confessed.

Leonard frowned. This was too much, he just wanted to get plastered and wake up and discover this all wasn't real.

* * *

Meanwhile, Amy had both of her Sheldons sitting down(not on the couch of course, there wasn't two Sheldon spots) whilst she conducted her experiments on them. This was her time to get some _sugar._ She was testing the _real_ differences between them.

"In the name of science!" Amy smiled, putting her hands up for a high-five. Sheldon-1 rolled his eyes, and patted her hand lightly. Sheldon-2 however, smiled and gave her one hell of a high-five. Interesting indeed. She promised she would write notes later.

Sheldon-2 still wasn't chatting, so Amy decided to keep it that way.

Amy lent in and kissed Sheldon-1 lightly on the lips, he kissed back. It only lasted for a few seconds but Sheldon felt electrified.

"A..Amy, that was a violation of The Relationship Agreement – you know what section." He lectured.

She nodded,_ of course it was. _"For my experiment to be a fair-test, I must do the same to Sheldon-2." She explained

Sheldon-1 nodded, "Of course...it's only fair. Proceed."

Amy leaned into Sheldon-2, placing a light kiss on his lips, he kissed back just like Sheldon-1 but it was different. Sheldon-2 put his arms around Amy, pulling her closer. He slid his tongue into Amy's mouth, shocking her – however, she reciprocated.

Sheldon-1 watched, in disgust, jealousy and pure amazement as Amy and Sheldon-2 shared saliva. Part of him wanted to rip them apart, and scream "NOT FOR YOU!" in Sheldon-2's face...but Sheldon-2 was him, right? And he couldn't possibly disturb Amy's experiment, he respected her too much for that. Another part of him, wondered what it'd be like to do that to Amy. He shuddered at the thought, it would be messy and unsanitary, but he thought it could be interesting. Every-time Amy had placed a simple kiss on his lips, his whole body felt more alive and it took his breath away. He wondered how much more _alive_ he could feel if her tongue was down his throat. He was amazed by watching them, he felt like his soul had stepped outside of him and he watching himself and Amy kissing, he felt like a third-person. Sheldon hadn't really thought about his second-self that much, and now it was making him feel anxious, when it happened he just called Amy, to see her opinion.. He never expected this.

Amy pulled away. "_Hooo-_OK, there is another difference. Sheldon-2 doesn't appear to have the same aversion to physical contact as you do Sheldon, and he is quite passionate."

"Pff, I could be just as passionate." Sheldon rolled his eyes.

"_Prove it" _She said, with vixen eyes.

"No, now there is no need to. Have you completed your experiment?" He asked.

"Yes," She answered, although she wasn't entirely sure what he experiment had in tale.

"And, would you please share your results." He demanded.

"Of course, I believe that Sheldon-2 could be the side of you that is more sexually active, perhaps and not averted to physical contact. This is certainly fascinating."

Sheldon bit his lip, he was starting to feel somewhat challenged by this duplicate of himself, what if Amy left him for him? Sheldon-2 could give her what he didn't. He wasn't going to let that happen, not by any accounts. Amy was _his._ Although, Sheldon-2 was him...Amy was _his, _Sheldon-1's. And, he wouldn't let her be taken from him.

"Actually, my experiment is not over. I would like to add another component to it." Amy said.

"Of course, proceed." Sheldon-1 prepared himself for the worst. But Amy didn't touch him, she simply walked over and grabbed his board, and a marker.

Amy wrote down an equation, a physics equation. Theoretical physics was _cute_, and she knew a fair bit of it from her own research, and Sheldon's ramblings, so it was simple for her to come up with an equation for him, for both of them. It wasn't brain science.

"I would like you to solve the top equation, Sheldon-1 and Sheldon-2 I would like you to solve the second one, please." She asked.

Merely a few seconds past and Sheldon-2 had solved the equation. Grabbing the pen from Amy, he wrote the answer. Sheldon-1's face twitched uncontrollably, how could he possibly know the answer before him? He had to do it, _get rid of him. _But before that, he had one more thing to do. He snatched the pen from Sheldon-2 and wrote the answer down to the equation Amy had left him.

"It appears that Sheldon-2 can also solve equations faster than Sheldon-1." Amy said.

_No, no, no ,no. _

"Amy, there is only one logical conclusion." Sheldon-1 said.

"What would that be, cuddles?" She asked, wondering if she should call Sheldon-2 tongues or something, was there a name for it? She would have to ask Penny.

"We must terminate Sheldon-2." He demanded. _Must._

"Why? He is fairly compatible and I could keep him to fool around with." She winked.

"No, he must go. There is only one Sheldon Cooper, and that is _me_." Sheldon growled, "And the only man you will ever ''fool around'' with, is _me._"

Amy hadn't seen this side of Sheldon, ever. She kind of liked it, it was somewhat romantic that he saw her as _his. _Well, romantic for Sheldon. She didn't mean to upset him by kissing Sheldon-2, she didn't want to upset him. She just wanted to see the differences, and Sheldon-2 didn't even speak. _Yawn. _Sheldon-1 looked rather upset though, she had to console him.

"Sheldon I-" She was interrupted.

"_No,_Amy we must remove Sheldon-2." Sheldon said, angrily. "You are not leaving _me_, for him."

"Well, technically..he is you." She explained.

"I am much more superior to him, and I see no need in there being a lesser version of me." He went on, "We must destroy him."

"How do you suggest we do that?" She asked, somewhat scared for Sheldon-2's life and Sheldon-1's sanity.

"I could stab him in the chest with my Klingon bat'leth." He suggested, seriously.

"No, now no stabbing." She requested, as if Sheldon cared.

"He must be gone, I have to terminate him." He insisted.

"How about if we give him a lethal injection?" She asked, finally giving in.

It was for the best that they got rid of Sheldon-2, he didn't even talk. He would be a burden, in a way. There was no need in a copy, when you had the real deal. Sheldon-2 may not even be human. It would be best that if they pretended that none of this happened. Sheldon-2 had nowhere to live, there was no room for him. Amy thought at first, when she'd kissed Sheldon-2 that he could be the answer to her problem with getting sugar from Sheldon-1. But now she realized, how terrible that thought was. She loved her Sheldon, the original Sheldon.

She looked over at Sheldon-2 and he didn't even look phased by the fact they were talking about killing him. Maybe he wasn't phased. Amy was so puzzled right now, with her boyfriend ranting on about murdering himself. And her other boyfriend, (if she could call him that) acting ok with it. This wasn't the kind of thing that really happened in reality. She began to pinch herself. Harder, and harder.

_This can't be happening. Please, be a dream. Please, be a dream._

"Amy, what on earth are you doing?" Sheldon asked.

"I need to wake up." She answered.

"You aren't dreaming." Sheldon explained.

"I have to be, things like this don't happen in reality." She insisted, her face was growing with fear.

Sheldon grabbed hold of both of her arms, and looked her deep in the eyes. It was reassuring. "Amy, I understand that you are frightened and confused. And, if I must confess as am I, but it would be best if we were to terminate him, -_it_."

"I understand, that we must get rid of him." She assured, "_It_."

"Yes, I am given to understand that by referring to Sheldon-2 as '_it_' may make it psychologically easier to let _it_ go.." He nodded.

"I only don't want to terminate him, because he is similar to you.. and I don't want to lose any part of you." Amy confessed, "And as he kissed me, it felt wrong – but as I want to do such activities with you,...it felt right, like I was kissing you."

_No._ Sheldon was not hearing this, "We must terminate him.._now!_" He growled.

He was taken back by Amy's confession, though. She wanted to keep Sheldon-2, because he was like Sheldon-1 and he liked that. But, nope there wasn't enough room in this universe for two Sheldon Coopers, and there wasn't enough chamomile tea in the world to fill the rage in Sheldon's heart if Amy left with Sheldon-2. He could barely take her smooching him, but he let her for the name of science, in respect of Amy's experiment.

"Sheldon, I would like you to know that, you needn't feel threatened by anyone, because I want you." Amy added. "You, that's what I want."

That's all Sheldon needed to hear. He wrapped his arms around Amy, pulling her into a warm loving hug. He was delighted when she wrapped her arms around him, in return.

"We still have to get rid of it, Amy." Sheldon insisted, although he trusted Amy and what she had said to him, a part of him still needed to get rid of Sheldon-2.

"I agree, although it may be quite sad." She admitted.

"No, now I am not one for emotional outbursts, but sadness is not a feeling needed for this situation. We must simply terminate the other Sheldon." Sheldon-2 explained. "Immediately."

"How do you suggest we proceed?" She asked.

"I suggest we poison his tea." He said.

"Very well." She replied. "Could I just kiss him one more time, for some goodbye sugar?" She asked, only to feel close to Sheldon-1.

"I reject that, Amy." Sheldon-1 said, as he was boiling the kettle.

"Sheldon, can we pretend none of this ever happened after we dispose of it?" She asked.

"But, Leonard and Penny already saw." He answered.

"I know, but I can easily convince them otherwise." She smiled.

"I'm not very good at lying," Sheldon frowned.

"I'll teach you, I can be quite the liar when I want to be." Amy smiled at him.

"OK, I will try." Sheldon continued, "I believe I would rather pretend it didn't happen either, although it did..and I won't be able to forget, seeing as I have an eidetic memory."

Amy felt somewhat sympathetic, "Aww, you're eidetic memory is _very_ sexy though."

"Aha, that is the second time you've said that. And, it makes your uterus quiver." He smiled, showing his memory off.

"Oh, Sheldon you're making my fallopian tubes tingle." She said.

Sheldon smiled at her, "The tea is almost done, Amy. Would you finish it off, whilst I gather the poison from my bedroom?"

"Of course." She proceeded to make tea.

She made tea for all three of them, she was sure she'd need a hot beverage after this.. and perhaps Sheldon-1 would too. She reminded herself it was for the best, and Sheldon-2 had barely existed for a day, it wouldn't be that bad. Sheldon-2 still was staring into space, not looking phased that he was going to die. Amy thought he wasn't phased, she knew that he could indeed hear them. She still wasn't sure, what he was, but she knew he didn't care that he was going to die. That made her feel better about all this. Sheldon came running back with a small pot. This lead to one question on Amy's mind.

"Sheldon, why on earth to you have poison anyway?" She asked.

"You see, I was going to poison Kripke if we could not come to a conclusion on who got Professor Rothman's office." Sheldon explained, "As we did I didn't have the need to poison him."

"Oh, I see." She answered simply. "Heres the tea.."

"Oh, how thoughtful of you to make me a cup." Sheldon smiled, "Thank you."

And then he proceeded to place the poison in Sheldon-2's tea, he went over and passed it to him and walked over to Amy. They didn't watch Sheldon-2 as he drank the tea, they simply chatted about other things. Amy looked over and he was gone. And she didn't feel sad.

"What are we going to do with the body?" She asked.

"I am going to place it carefully in a body bag, and then we will take it and dispose of it." He answered.

"You have all of this prepared Sheldon, don't you?" She laughed.

"I would make quite the assassin, wouldn't I?" He smiled.

Sheldon and Amy went off and disposed of the body, and Amy felt like a bad girl. (Still, oddly titillating for her.) Sheldon didn't feel much, just that it was the right thing to do. He decided he never wanted a duplicate ever, again.

* * *

Later that day, Amy and Sheldon were in Sheldon's apartment when Leonard and Penny came back.

"Hey, where is the other Sheldon?" Penny asked.

"What do you mean, an other Sheldon?" Amy looked puzzled. "There is only one."

"What?" Leonard asked, "We saw him!"

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Sheldon burst out.

Penny put her hands on her head, "I am so confused right now."

"Me too.." Leonard said, furrowing his brow. "Maybe we _were _high, Penny."

Amy and Sheldon just looked at each-other, Sheldon was twitching..

"_Keep cool!" _Amy whispered. He nodded, biting his lip.

"I don't know what's real any more," Penny sighed.

"Do you want to leave?" Leonard asked, even though they'd just arrived he thought it would be best for him...and for Penny to leave.

"Please." She answered, running for the door. Leonard followed..

"That was odd." Amy said.

"You thought so to? Phew, I wasn't the only one who thought that was a weird interaction." Sheldon smiled.

"They didn't even say bye." Amy frowned.

"Well, I have always said that Leonard's lack of social skills is astonishing." Sheldon explained.

"I agree, he can be quite tedious." She nodded. "So, what would you like to do now?"

Sheldon had an idea. He stared at Amy in a way only he could. _Only him._

"Well, Amy." He said, in a new husky tone. "We have violated many social constructs today. Why stop breaking rules now?"

Amy's heart stopped. She'd never heard Sheldon's voice like this before, it was _hot_.

Sheldon pinned Amy to the couch, leaning over her. Their faces close together, just millimetres apart.

"Now, Amy.." He said, in his new husky voice. He leant in and kissed her lightly on the lips. "The only man you will get any _sugar _from is me, correct?"

She nodded.

_Yeah, she only needed one Sheldon. There was only need for one Sheldon, the one and only._

* * *

A/N: Yeah, you've probably just read this like WTF. I didn't want to kill anyone, but Sheldon-2's death isn't supposed to be a big deal, and I needed to get rid of him. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this some how.. it was a bit insane. It was inspired by a conversation on fanforum. Sorry for any typos or whatever I should be apologizing for. Thanks for reading and reviews make me smile! :)


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